S1 E25 – Excuses and the “I’m Too Busy” Era

“I’m too busy.” “I don’t have the money right now.” We say these phrases casually, responsibly, often without realizing how much power they hold. Over time, they stop being explanations and start replacing accountability, quietly reshaping our relationships, our finances, and our integrity.

In this episode, we unpack the cost of excuses, how comfort and avoidance slowly erode trust, and what it actually looks like to realign your time, money, and energy with the life you say you want to live. No shame, no hustle culture, just honest conversation and practical clarity.

✨Episode Highlights

• “I’m too busy” and “I don’t have the money” often replace accountability without us realizing it.
• Excuses don’t sound like excuses, they sound like responsible explanations.
• Trust erodes quietly through delay, silence, and avoidance, not big blowups.
• Borrowed money represents someone else’s time, work, and stability.
• Public spending paired with private avoidance damages relationships.
• Integrity doesn’t require abundance, it requires communication.
• Busy doesn’t mean incapable, it means something else has your attention.
• Discipline looks ordinary, quiet choices no one applauds.
• Excuses are unspoken priorities we haven’t named yet.

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Show Notes – “Excuses and the ‘I’m Too Busy’ Era”

Jana Marler (00:00)
Welcome back, dream doers. I cannot believe this is episode 25. I am so excited for this journey and I can’t believe I have that many under my belt. But listen, we are going to dive right in today because this is a topic that is way too close to home. And to be honest, it’s driving me bonkers. So here we go. There are a few phrases that we use so often that we’ve almost stopped hearing them.

I’m too busy, I don’t have the money right now, I’ll get to it soon. They sound harmless, even responsible, like they explain everything without needing a follow-up. And most of the time, we don’t say them with bad intentions. We say them because they’re easy, because they end the

They protect us from having to sit in discomfort a little longer.

But when those phrases get repeated long enough, they quietly start standing in for accountability. And that’s where things begin to shift in ways that we don’t always notice right

If you’ve ever caught yourself saying either of those phrases and then later realized you somehow found time or money for other things, this conversation is for you. And honestly, it’s for all of us because these phrases are some of the most socially acceptable ways we excuse ourselves out of growth without meaning to. What’s tricky is that excuses rarely look like excuses when we’re inside them. They sound like reality.

They sound like life just happening faster than we can keep up. And because they sound so normal, they often go completely unchallenged, even by ourselves.

You see this play out everywhere in friendships where someone keeps saying they’ll reconnect soon, but then months go by in families where responsibilities keep getting delayed instead of declined in finances where borrowed money that was supposed to be short term quietly stretches into a year and then two nothing dramatic happen. No big blow up, just distance, silence and a slow thinning of trust.

and on the outside life looks fine. People keep posting, they keep traveling, they keep eating out, they keep showing up to fun things, going out with other friends. Meanwhile, the people waiting on follow through are left sitting with a strange mix of confusion and then disappointment,

Wondering where the heck the shift happened. This isn’t about judgment today. It’s about integrity Integrity doesn’t announce itself. It doesn’t show up in big speeches or promises where it does show up is in follow-through and Honesty and doing the uncomfortable thing before it becomes unavoidable and when integrity slips excuses usually step in to fill in the gap

One of the biggest ones we lean on

I’m too busy,

Busy sounds responsible. It sounds adult. It sounds like you’re doing important things, but busy doesn’t mean unavailable or uncapable. It just means something else has your attention.

And once you really let that sink in, once you stop pushing back against it, you start seeing your life a little differently. Because the truth is our time already goes exactly where we choose to put it. The same is true for our money. I don’t have the money right now. It can be true in a very real way. I understand, I’ve been there. But a lot of the time, what it actually means is I don’t have the money for this because I chose to spend it over here.

and something else.

And that’s a hard thing to admit, especially when the spending feels small or casual or justified. I’ve watched this pattern repeat itself more times than I can count personally. Someone borrows money with genuine intention, with sincerity, with every plan to pay it back quickly. And then time passes.

Next month becomes a few months, a few months become a year. Communication slows down. Messages get shorter. Eventually silence takes over, and that’s intentional.

Meanwhile, life keeps happening very publicly. Trips, concerts, dinners out, new cars, and the person who loaned the money is left wondering how they ended up holding both the loss and the awkwardness while the other person keeps moving forward like nothing’s wrong. This is not about controlling how people spend their money. It’s about understanding what borrowed money actually represents.

When you borrow from someone, you’re borrowing from their work, their time, their stability, their family, and their responsibilities. And when repayment keeps getting delayed while discretionary spending continues, it sends a message, whether it’s intentional or not.

The message is, my comfort comes before your sacrifice. And that’s where trust starts to erode. Now I wanna be clear here because nuance matters. Perception isn’t always reality. Look, I do trades, I use points, I haven’t paid for a flight in about 15 years. I talk about it all the time if you follow me. I don’t pay for a lot of my stays. Sometimes clients cover my way for my work.

So from the outside it might look like I’m spending money freely when I’m actually not spending much at all. And what’s funny about that is that I’ve actually had a parent and people in my life and family members even say like, you’re so rich or you you get to do all of these things or I see that you have money because you’re spending on an XYZ and little do they know some of those trips are 100 % free, even including my children.

In fact, one of the biggest projects that I worked on, part of my compensation was for me and my family to get an all expenses paid trip wherever we wanted to go within that brand’s location. So I remember being in a time when money was low and I utilized that as a way for me and my kids to get out and get peace and get away. And so many people scrutinized me by that trip, but they didn’t know any of the facts. So I get it.

It’s not our job to perceive other people’s truth.

So yes, we have to be careful assuming we know someone’s full financial picture, but integrity doesn’t require abundance. It requires communication and effort. If you don’t have the money, you say that. You don’t disappear. If you don’t have the money…

You don’t avoid, you don’t let time stretch until accountability feels harder than silence. And this same pattern shows up with time and energy. We say we don’t have time to call people back, but we have time to scroll. We say we don’t have time to read or work on a goal or do a hobby, but we watched another episode or three. We say we don’t have time to date or pursue something meaningful, but we laid on the couch instead all evening.

Those choices aren’t accidents. They’re decisions that feel small in the moment and big in hindsight. I have caught myself here too, I get it. I’ve said I don’t have time to put that vent cover on my friend’s room vent and every single day that goes by I say I need to do that and I don’t make time for it. It’s sat a year, a full year.

When I actually look at how many hours I’ve spent watching movies or doing nothing and just resting in that same time frame, the truth becomes

I had time. I just didn’t prioritize it. Or better yet, I prioritize it exactly where I wanted it to go.

which was not taking care of that

Discipline doesn’t usually look impressive. Most of the time it looks ordinary and it’s quiet under the table. It looks like small decisions that no one applauds. It looks like packing a lunch or a dinner when you’re going out with your friends. I went on a hike with my small group and afterward everyone went out to eat and I wanted to go. I wanted to spend time with them.

I wanted to sit and just be a part of it, but I also knew in this season where saving mattered more than convenience, I had to pack food.

I still went, I sat with them,

They all kind of laughed at me for bringing a little lunchbox, but I didn’t care.

That moment matters because so many people believe discipline means isolation. Like if you can’t afford something, you shouldn’t be there at all. And that’s not true. You can participate without overspending. You can stay connected without sabotaging your future. You don’t have to disappear just because you’re making different choices. Do you know how many bars that I have been to with friends and they all have been buying drinks and food and I will sit there with my water. Nobody cares.

And this is where excuses really show themselves. Not as lies, but unspoken priorities. We don’t say, I don’t want to deal with this right now. We say, I’m busy. We don’t say, I choose something else. We say, I don’t have the money. Language softens the reality, but the reality is still there.

I’ve watched people rise in circumstances that would flatten most of us. I’ve watched people show up exhausted, grieving, overwhelmed, still doing what needed to be done. Single moms, single parents, they don’t get that choice. We have to show up anyway. Moms and dads don’t get sick days.

When something truly matters, humans find a way. They don’t use excuses. That’s why I don’t believe most people can’t. I believe they won’t. And that’s not an insult, it’s an invitation. Because won’t means choice and choice means power. If you’ve been leaning on excuses, not maliciously, not intentionally, but habitually, this isn’t about shame, it’s about clarity.

Because once you see where your time, money, and energy are actually going, you get to decide if that aligns with who you want to be. And that’s where this conversation is headed.

This second part is about deciding what you’re going to do with that awareness. Because seeing the truth without changing anything is just another way to stay comfortable. And comfort is usually what excuses are protecting in the first place. And typically the comfort we are choosing to stay in isn’t actually comfort at all. It’s just familiarity.

Accountability starts when things stop being vague. Excuses survive in vagueness. Clarity is what makes them uncomfortable. So if you owe someone money, write it down. Write the amount down, the person, the timeline you agreed to, not the timeline that feels better now, the one you originally said out loud or put in writing. Putting that on paper forces honesty in a way thoughts never will. Then look at where your money’s actually going.

Every subscription, every app, every convenience purchase, the coffee, the dinner, is a little expensive. Don’t feel like munch in the moment. This isn’t about shame again. Do you know how many of my friends say it’s only six dollars? And I laugh. I say that six dollars has been said four times this week. That’s twenty four dollars. So every little tiny investment into anything ends up being a much bigger number.

And if I have priorities that I have to put in place, I myself, Jana, have bigger bills to pay right now in this season of life than I’ve ever had. Four times the amount of income that I make every month needs to go to these bills, so I have to sit and write it out and prioritize. This is about seeing reality clear enough to make different choices.

A lot of people push back here with, but I deserve these little joys. I deserve these little coffees. And you do.

It’s not about deprivation, it’s about order. Responsibility comes before comfort. Just as I tell my kids all of the time, if you can get all of your chores done and your homework and get your clothes laid out for tomorrow and everything ready for karate tonight, once all of that’s done, then you have time to play. Then you have time to do other things because everything that needs to be done is already taken care of. Now you’ve got free time.

That doesn’t make you bad or irresponsible. It just means something needs to be reordered. If you genuinely don’t have the money, the accountability move is communication. Saying, I don’t have it yet, but here’s what I can do, or here’s the plan I’m committed to, or I messed this up and I need to own that. Silence isn’t neutral. It’s a decision, and it almost always damages trust more than honesty would have.

On top of communication, there are so many resources. I know this for myself because again, the season I am in, I have had to lean on multiple resources with the city, with my church, with our foster and adoption care that we get through the state. I have had to lean in every corner that I can. That is what they are there for, for when you need it.

So if you don’t even take the time to lean into the resources that you need to accomplish paying other people back or freeing up time, then you’re choosing to stay stuck.

One practical tool that works is removing temptation before it becomes a debate. If you owe someone $60 a month, send it first, not after the coffee, not if there’s extra, but first. If the money’s gone, then it’s gone. The decision has already been made. If digital money feels too abstract, use cash. Put it in a jar. There’s something grounding about physically watching money move towards responsibility instead of comfort.

It slows you down and forces awareness. if you are used to driving two different times a week to your favorite coffee shop and getting coffee, $10 a piece, that’s $20 a week, 20, 40, 60, $80 a month. While you’re on that drive, pull over and say, nope, I’m gonna Venmo my friend real quick and Venmo them that instead. This is what sacrifice looks like

be a disciplined person.

The same clarity is needed with time. We love to say we don’t have time, but we rarely say we don’t want to make time. Those are two very different things. Time accountability starts with tracking your time honestly for a week. I used to do this daily, every hour. Work, rest, scrolling, shows, zoning out, not to punish yourself, but to tell yourself the truth. Most people are surprised by what they find.

I realized when I did this about 10 years ago that most of my time was going to emailing people all day. So what was the solution that I did? If you go back and listen to any of my podcast episodes, you will see that I had to start automating and putting in workflows that would take away some of those monotonous things for me so I could get my time back to do more creative things and spend it where I wanted to.

You’re gonna be surprised by what you find. Not because you’re lazy, but because time leaks quietly. Once you see where your time is actually going, you get to decide where it needs to go instead. You don’t have to change everything at once. Accountability doesn’t require a complete life overhaul. It requires one honest adjustment at a time. Replace one hour of scrolling with reading. Replace one episode with a walk.

Replace avoidance with one small action you’ve been putting off.

This is also where it’s important to distinguish between seasons and stories.

Seasons are very real, friends. There are times when capacity is limited due to grief, illness, trauma, survival mode. I’ve come out of a really heavy season of all of that. And those seasons deserve grace. They do. Stories are different. Stories are the narratives we repeat long after the season has passed.

“I’m just too busy. I’ve always been bad with money. That’s how I am.”

One of the most powerful questions you can ask yourself is, this is season I’m in or is this a story I’m telling? Because seasons pass, stories only change when you challenge them. Accountability also means repairing what’s been damaged and this is where a lot of people hesitate because repair feels vulnerable. If you’ve avoided someone, delayed payment or gone silent.

The instinct is often to wait until it feels less awkward, but the problem is it rarely does.

Repair starts with ownership, not explanation. “Hey, I dropped the ball. I avoided this. I didn’t handle that well.” You can explain later if needed, but start with the truth.

Accountability doesn’t guarantee reconciliation. It simply makes integrity possible again.

Sometimes relationships can be rebuilt, but sometimes they can’t. But owning your part always moves you forward, regardless of outcome. This is where the emotional cost of excuses become really clear.

Excuses don’t just delay action, they erode your trust. They teach people slowly and quietly that your words don’t mean what they say.

And trust is expensive to rebuild. It’s more expensive than that debt.

It takes consistency, takes follow through, takes time, far more time than it ever did to protect.

Rest deserves a clear place in this conversation too. Rest isn’t the enemy. It’s necessary. It’s how we’re designed. But rest that never leads back to responsibility becomes escape. If rest is always the answer, even when things are falling apart, then it stops being rest. When your days are structured intentionally, there is room for work, rest, and joy. None of those have to disappear.

What has to go is the belief that you’re a victim of your schedule instead of the author.

Your calendar already tells the truth. Your bank account already tells the truth. The patterns already tell the truth. But the good news is that truth is workable. You don’t need more motivation. You don’t need more inspiration. You don’t need to wait for life to feel easier. You need alignment between what you say matters and what your life actually reflects

Excuses are usually just unspoken priorities. Once you name them, they lose their power. If you want to grow past excuses, start small and honest. Start today. One conversation, one payment, one boundary,

one decision that aligns your actions with your value.

That’s how trust is rebuilt. That’s how momentum is created and real change happens. Accountability is not about perfection. It’s about being real and real always leads somewhere better.

If you have the ability to stand face to face with someone you have wronged and have the ability to lie to their face and lie under oath, lie before God who hears and sees everything, you’re already well past the ability to choose friendship, family, and your values.

over your ego. And too many of us let ourselves get there. And once you’re there, that’s where destruction happens and the hole keeps getting dug deeper. And internally, your spirit will start to corrode because you know without a doubt that what you’re saying is dishonest and irreparable.

I’ve watched cousins choose money and business over family. I’ve watched friendships steal, rob, take, betray, and then lie about what they did and choose themselves over repair and over a valued friendship for years.

I’ve watched family do so much harm and betray each other and have affairs and take and take and take and belittle and harm and use their words like weapons that when someone with accountability and integrity rises up and says that’s not okay or that’s not the truth, they’re so discombobulated in their delusion of what truth actually is because they’ve convinced themselves so much of their own comfort.

which again isn’t comfort after all anyway, but they’d rather stay there.

I remember having this conversation in a therapy session with a group of people that I thought were my people at one time. And I remember looking at the therapist and saying, what I hear everyone saying is that they would rather stay in their comfort than to grow and to allow God, the Redeemer and the Healer of all things, than to allow the Maker of the universe to restore.

and pull people out of the mud and watch them grow in abundance together. instead of choosing that, I’ve watched person.

choose to stay stuck in their mud with no growth.

So before I wrap this up, I wanna say this as clear as possible. If this episode stirred something in you, if it made you uncomfortable, reflective, or even a little defensive, that doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It usually means something honest is trying to surface. So don’t rush past that. Let it sit with you for a minute.

Growth rarely comes from being coddled. It comes from clarity. You don’t need to fix everything today, just like I have not been able to fix things overnight as well. we all don’t need to overhaul our life overnight. That’s not even possible. But one honest look at where your time, your money, and your energy are going is enough to start shifting things in the right direction.

That one conversation, that one boundary, that one follow through, those small decisions compound faster than excuses ever did. I had a therapist once say that once you start a compliment or something kind that was said, then it starts this upward spiral amongst everyone around you and everyone will start going up. But once something starts becoming negative, a negative comment or phrase, then

everyone starts to spiral back down. So consider that when you’re considering your time, where your money’s going, where your energy’s going, because all of those things are just excuses. We all have the same amount of time in a day.

If you’ve heard any of my other episodes, I talk about the 888 theory. Eight hours for work, eight hours for play, and eight hours for rest. And when you start to look at your life and your day in that way, you start to really gain some understanding of the truth about how much time we all actually get. And where does it go? If you’re thinking, I worked for eight hours today and I slept for six hours last night, that means I had two additional hours.

in my fun time, so now I have 10 hours, but I don’t have 10 hours in a day, where does that time go? This is why it’s so important to start tracking your time and your money and your energy and to really pinpoint what’s happening in your life so that you can take control of all of those things. We’ve got to stop the excuses because they are just that, excuses. if this episode resonated with you,

I’d love for you to stay connected. Make sure you’re subscribed to the podcast so you don’t miss future episodes. And if you have a moment, leave a review or share this with someone who might need to hear it. That’s how these conversations reach people who are quietly looking for them.

You can also find me on social media where I share more conversations about growth, boundaries, integrity, work, entrepreneurship, and building a life that actually reflects your values. The links are in the show notes and I’d love to connect with you there. You can find me everywhere at thedreamdoers.podcast. if you’re someone who’s ready to move past excuses and start living with more intention, stick around. There’s more coming and I’m just getting started.

Thank you for being here and until the next episode, see you soon.